HOLY CHRIST IT'S BACK!

Wow, yea, it's been what...about 3 months since I've posted? Longer? Wow, I suck.

But really, I've just been going through a lot of things as of late. I'm back in college, finding myself a little overwhelmed with work (not that I can't do it, but I can't do it and have much of a life around it at the same time, ya know?). I'm missing my daily comic routine, hopefully I'll find some spare time soon to doodle up some pages.

The biggest thing though, would be breaking up with my girlfriend of the past year, year and a half. It's been about 2 months here now, and I'd be a liar if I said I was over it and over her yet. Truth be told, I don't think I'll ever fully be over her...I can honestly say I love her (not loved, love) and undoubtedly always will to a degree. I'd say I'd give anything to have things back the way they were, but I know that's neither going to happen nor really should; maybe we found each other at the wrong time in life when neither of us were ready for such a serious relationship. But who knows?

Of course, I did my trademark thing: make sure during a break up that it'll never be repairable. Why do I do this? Not a clue. Probably just the result of the pain of knowing I'm being abandoned working off of my anger of the situation. But no, I made sure we'd never get back together. I regret it, I always do.

The point of this blog is I guess just to let out the frustrations, pain, and general discontent I'm feeling over this whole situation. Maybe getting these feelings out will help me get over them, since I can't tell all of this too her, I can at least say it out loud to myself (god knows I'm the only one who reads these, am I right or what?).

There's no word in any language strong enough to express how truly

sorry I am. I realize I fucked up, I changed things, I was selfish and

I should have tried harder. I could have tried harder.

There's a million different things I could have done better,

but god damn it I fuckin tried.

I'm not going to make myself out to be the victim here, but I won't

admit to being the villain either. We both have our hangups,

neither of us are perfect.

I can't say anything to get you back I know,

I don't think that would be in either of our best interests at the time anyway.

That doesn't change the fact that I want you back baby,

If there was anything I could do,

anything I could say

God knows it'd happen in a heartbeat.

But that's never going to happen.

That can't happen,

it won't.

I spend too much time drinking,

trying to forget you

and I can't

no,

I don't want to

I just don't want to hurt.

The thought that you're already over me,

that you've managed to move on so fast.

That kills me, it's a knife in my chest

Maybe I didn't mean as much

to you as you do to me.

But I wish you well,

honestly and true,

I hope you find happiness in this world.

I have no ill feelings,

Not towards you.

But its time I close the door on this,

To never open it again,

I shall not lock it though.

I won't fret over my mistakes a moment longer

and I won't dwell on what could have been.

Should we meet again,

possibly things might be different.

Maybe

Just

Maybe.

I'm no poet but that's how I feel.

It's time now that I bury this all behind me and look to future prospects. I'm smart enough to realize I'm young and that I will find love again. It's just getting back out there and playing the whole game again that's the struggle.

With this first semester essentially done, my workload beginning to tapper off, I'm hoping to get back to my comic. I've also been bouncing ideas around for some writing, both adding to my old and starting new.

A Pause In The Regular Flow

Ok, this probably belongs more on my other blog, and i'll be posting something similar there. But, I'm taking a momentary repose from my comics and i've been spending the time I usually put into them into writing again. New story coming together nicely. I feel good.

Mayhem Fest

So, gonna be going to CT for the Rockstar Energydrink Mayhem Fest. No new comic for the next few days. But pictures n stories when I do get back!

Moved onto a new site for my webcomic

Yea so I stumbled across another hosting site for my webcomic, http://ultraviolentcomics.smackjeeves.com/ , I'll still be posting comics on here, but hope to generate more of an audience by branching to new sites.

If you go there, i'm not sure if you have to join to rate my comics, but if you do that'd be awesome, as well as becoming a fan of it.


I'm very happy that I've started this little project.

The Allegory that is my life

So, while this is probably painfully obvious to everyone, I had a realization.

See, I've come up with this idea for a comic, "The Revengenators"...working name....but in it two average guys make an attempt at, what I can only describe as, a nearly pathetic amateur attempt at mercenary work. They go about "enacting missions of revenge", as given to them by local customers, in the same way any common person (who's seen enough action movies and played enough video games) would try to tackle situations, although usually blowing things out of proportion...minus a bit of common sense. Because they are just average people, they don't have access to "state-of-the-art" equipment and make due with what they can get (think partially Kick Ass, mixed with Punisher, and a little Macgyver thrown in yet watered down in the intelligence); common access weapons like baseball bats, machetes, hatchets, knives, gun powder and simple explosives, etc.

Now...these guys share alot in common with where I am in life...partially because they're be doing what I've wanted to do since I was in kindergarten (which I won't lie, has been re-born inside of me since seeing Kick Ass and being let down by not seeing news reports of people being vigilantes). But mainly because they're attempting to do something and doing it very far from professional. Same thing I'm doing with my web-comic project.

Many of my writing seems to reflect stuff in my life this same way...characters with cheating spouses (almost every story I wrote in high school had some reflection of this theme), people dealing with psychological stress by indulging in carnal acts of murder (not that I have but goddamnit I've wanted to so many times...), etc.

The therapy that is writing I suppose.

Well, back to the comic work. Hey, I might be still in the amateur stage, but hell if I ain't having fun with it.

However, I have one favor to ask...actually two:

1. If you like anything you see in my comic blog, or my friend's blog : http://r3cartoonstudios.blogspot.com/ .

and

2. If you really like what you see on them, click the ads. Think of it as paypal donations without having to actually paying outa pocket.


also, p.s

opinions on this idea for a comic i had up above are appreciated.

Got a new blog

Ok, so I know, "Got a New Blog" when I barely post here,


but this one i'm uploading all my comics too.

Link to it's up there someplace on this thing,

and here: http://ultraviolentcomics.blogspot.com/

Let me know what you think,

So I have something to keep be preoccupied now

From the lack of pretty much having something to both keep me busy, or somewhat exercising my mind in a way, I've posted a question to my friends for ideas to base stories off of, more or less looking for some interesting situation which I could work with. Got a few good ideas for a first round, gonna ask again a few more times and maybe just get the bones of a few stories started out of them. Deciding if I should start posting them here, most of them will probably only be short stories anyway. See if I can get something going with them at least. It's actually proved pretty fun.


For the mean time, this is going to be I do with myself, not a lot of places hiring where I can get just a part time for the summer out here, not too much luck with out in Albany either. Thinking of finding a place I can just do like volunteer work to help keep me busy even. That would at least help me build a better looking resume right now when looking for internships when next semester starts. And after my last semester's English classes, I need something to keep my creative mind busy. I've gotten back to having fun writing.

Also, started reading again. Waiting for Suarez's second book to come out in paper back, and gotten back to Stephen King for enjoyment instead of TV or video games. Actually right now reading The Dead Zone, and I'm going to get back to that.

More later