HOLY CHRIST IT'S BACK!

Wow, yea, it's been what...about 3 months since I've posted? Longer? Wow, I suck.

But really, I've just been going through a lot of things as of late. I'm back in college, finding myself a little overwhelmed with work (not that I can't do it, but I can't do it and have much of a life around it at the same time, ya know?). I'm missing my daily comic routine, hopefully I'll find some spare time soon to doodle up some pages.

The biggest thing though, would be breaking up with my girlfriend of the past year, year and a half. It's been about 2 months here now, and I'd be a liar if I said I was over it and over her yet. Truth be told, I don't think I'll ever fully be over her...I can honestly say I love her (not loved, love) and undoubtedly always will to a degree. I'd say I'd give anything to have things back the way they were, but I know that's neither going to happen nor really should; maybe we found each other at the wrong time in life when neither of us were ready for such a serious relationship. But who knows?

Of course, I did my trademark thing: make sure during a break up that it'll never be repairable. Why do I do this? Not a clue. Probably just the result of the pain of knowing I'm being abandoned working off of my anger of the situation. But no, I made sure we'd never get back together. I regret it, I always do.

The point of this blog is I guess just to let out the frustrations, pain, and general discontent I'm feeling over this whole situation. Maybe getting these feelings out will help me get over them, since I can't tell all of this too her, I can at least say it out loud to myself (god knows I'm the only one who reads these, am I right or what?).

There's no word in any language strong enough to express how truly

sorry I am. I realize I fucked up, I changed things, I was selfish and

I should have tried harder. I could have tried harder.

There's a million different things I could have done better,

but god damn it I fuckin tried.

I'm not going to make myself out to be the victim here, but I won't

admit to being the villain either. We both have our hangups,

neither of us are perfect.

I can't say anything to get you back I know,

I don't think that would be in either of our best interests at the time anyway.

That doesn't change the fact that I want you back baby,

If there was anything I could do,

anything I could say

God knows it'd happen in a heartbeat.

But that's never going to happen.

That can't happen,

it won't.

I spend too much time drinking,

trying to forget you

and I can't

no,

I don't want to

I just don't want to hurt.

The thought that you're already over me,

that you've managed to move on so fast.

That kills me, it's a knife in my chest

Maybe I didn't mean as much

to you as you do to me.

But I wish you well,

honestly and true,

I hope you find happiness in this world.

I have no ill feelings,

Not towards you.

But its time I close the door on this,

To never open it again,

I shall not lock it though.

I won't fret over my mistakes a moment longer

and I won't dwell on what could have been.

Should we meet again,

possibly things might be different.

Maybe

Just

Maybe.

I'm no poet but that's how I feel.

It's time now that I bury this all behind me and look to future prospects. I'm smart enough to realize I'm young and that I will find love again. It's just getting back out there and playing the whole game again that's the struggle.

With this first semester essentially done, my workload beginning to tapper off, I'm hoping to get back to my comic. I've also been bouncing ideas around for some writing, both adding to my old and starting new.

A Pause In The Regular Flow

Ok, this probably belongs more on my other blog, and i'll be posting something similar there. But, I'm taking a momentary repose from my comics and i've been spending the time I usually put into them into writing again. New story coming together nicely. I feel good.

Mayhem Fest

So, gonna be going to CT for the Rockstar Energydrink Mayhem Fest. No new comic for the next few days. But pictures n stories when I do get back!

Moved onto a new site for my webcomic

Yea so I stumbled across another hosting site for my webcomic, http://ultraviolentcomics.smackjeeves.com/ , I'll still be posting comics on here, but hope to generate more of an audience by branching to new sites.

If you go there, i'm not sure if you have to join to rate my comics, but if you do that'd be awesome, as well as becoming a fan of it.


I'm very happy that I've started this little project.

The Allegory that is my life

So, while this is probably painfully obvious to everyone, I had a realization.

See, I've come up with this idea for a comic, "The Revengenators"...working name....but in it two average guys make an attempt at, what I can only describe as, a nearly pathetic amateur attempt at mercenary work. They go about "enacting missions of revenge", as given to them by local customers, in the same way any common person (who's seen enough action movies and played enough video games) would try to tackle situations, although usually blowing things out of proportion...minus a bit of common sense. Because they are just average people, they don't have access to "state-of-the-art" equipment and make due with what they can get (think partially Kick Ass, mixed with Punisher, and a little Macgyver thrown in yet watered down in the intelligence); common access weapons like baseball bats, machetes, hatchets, knives, gun powder and simple explosives, etc.

Now...these guys share alot in common with where I am in life...partially because they're be doing what I've wanted to do since I was in kindergarten (which I won't lie, has been re-born inside of me since seeing Kick Ass and being let down by not seeing news reports of people being vigilantes). But mainly because they're attempting to do something and doing it very far from professional. Same thing I'm doing with my web-comic project.

Many of my writing seems to reflect stuff in my life this same way...characters with cheating spouses (almost every story I wrote in high school had some reflection of this theme), people dealing with psychological stress by indulging in carnal acts of murder (not that I have but goddamnit I've wanted to so many times...), etc.

The therapy that is writing I suppose.

Well, back to the comic work. Hey, I might be still in the amateur stage, but hell if I ain't having fun with it.

However, I have one favor to ask...actually two:

1. If you like anything you see in my comic blog, or my friend's blog : http://r3cartoonstudios.blogspot.com/ .

and

2. If you really like what you see on them, click the ads. Think of it as paypal donations without having to actually paying outa pocket.


also, p.s

opinions on this idea for a comic i had up above are appreciated.

Got a new blog

Ok, so I know, "Got a New Blog" when I barely post here,


but this one i'm uploading all my comics too.

Link to it's up there someplace on this thing,

and here: http://ultraviolentcomics.blogspot.com/

Let me know what you think,

So I have something to keep be preoccupied now

From the lack of pretty much having something to both keep me busy, or somewhat exercising my mind in a way, I've posted a question to my friends for ideas to base stories off of, more or less looking for some interesting situation which I could work with. Got a few good ideas for a first round, gonna ask again a few more times and maybe just get the bones of a few stories started out of them. Deciding if I should start posting them here, most of them will probably only be short stories anyway. See if I can get something going with them at least. It's actually proved pretty fun.


For the mean time, this is going to be I do with myself, not a lot of places hiring where I can get just a part time for the summer out here, not too much luck with out in Albany either. Thinking of finding a place I can just do like volunteer work to help keep me busy even. That would at least help me build a better looking resume right now when looking for internships when next semester starts. And after my last semester's English classes, I need something to keep my creative mind busy. I've gotten back to having fun writing.

Also, started reading again. Waiting for Suarez's second book to come out in paper back, and gotten back to Stephen King for enjoyment instead of TV or video games. Actually right now reading The Dead Zone, and I'm going to get back to that.

More later

Everything ends

Mmkay, back from my week long repose of sorts,

To starts things off, Rest In Peace Elizabeth McCumber, my Great Grandma. You'll be forever remembered, forever loved and forever have a place in my heart. We all knew it was only a matter of time that God would put you back beside Great Grandpa.

I miss you dearly, but I know you'll always be there to guide me through life.

Just yesterday, after coming back to SUNY Albany and having a final dinner with my friends, I passed by a group of people trying to change the tire on their car and thought to myself, "...gram would kick me if I didn't see if they needed help...". Sure enough, when I pulled my car up, they needed a tire iron (and someone to show them how to actually get a tire off of a car).


Karma is a real thing people. You do good unto the world and good returns. After seeing these people off, I go to start up my car, and find it dead. The culprit-my battery. Not that it died, but the genius who sold me the car messed up one of the terminals on the battery, and no connection was going through to my car. Thankfully, I'm a Triple A + member, and was able to have it towed my girlfriend's house, at no charge. This might not seem all that good, but the fact this happened to me while on campus, instead of driving down to my dorm on the downtown campus, or worse driving up 90 to get my girlfriend from work.


Speaking on this, I want to take a moment to say how fortunate I am to have not only my girlfriend, but my family, her family, and everyone I know, to help me when I need them. This last week has been extremely taxing on me (pure emotion from losing my gram, stress over finals, the whole spiel with my car,), and without them I don't think I'd have made it through.

On the lighter side, I'd recently picked up Tim Schafer's Brutal Legend, and I have to say. Very impressing. The game play is so-so, combat is a button mashers delight, simple combos and the use of music as a weapon was nice. The RTS element of it I feel could have been handled better, the actual stage battles were pretty fun, though at times could be an annoying grind. The story itself was surprisingly deep (considering the main character being voiced by Jack Black). But what really capture me, was the stunningly beautiful landscaping of the world, the amazing way the designers crafted instruments of metal into damn near everything in sigh. Overall, for $20 this is a must-have.


That's really it for now,



oh yea, click the ads please and thank you.

Ok...so, heres the thing...

I realize I, earlier in the week, said I'd try n post at least thrice a week, and put up at least one comic,



but, yesterday...my great grandmother passed away....


so, I'm not going to be on here for at least this week, maybe the next. Not to mention finals week....


so, I apologize (not that I believe I have that many readers)


I'll return when I get the chance.

Steady As She Goes

So, I'm still suffering from allergy attacks daily (Not sure what's causing them, might be mold from my roommates plates which he hasn't washed?). This really makes spring suck for me, but oh well. Also my back piece has just gotten into the peeling/scabbing phase and frankly, I want to take a metal rake to it.


I'm figuring that I'm not going to be a daily blogger, I aim to get at least 3 a week, and I'm going to try to get 1 comic up a week (though it seems to be just as difficult to come up with ideas for the nonsensical comic as it was doing concept art for the serious comic). But nonetheless I'll try to keep this moderately interesting for anyone who'll read it.

I'm feeling a withdrawal from a lack of 360...sadly left the bulk of my games home and didn't grab them when I made my last excursion there. I need to get my fix of C.O.D soon or I'll syntax a stranger....

Speaking of video games: reading Game Informer, I'm looking forward to the new game Bulletstorm, by the people who made Painkiller (a game I still have yet to play but have heard many many good things). From what I've read so far, Bulletstorm seems like an awesome game, the story seems ok but the kill system is whats really appealing. Still waiting to either get Darksiders or Dante's Inferno, still leaning towards Darksiders (can't really get past the idea of Dante being a badass as apposed to the poet). Also, just need the last expansion for Fallout 3, Mothership Zeta, and i'll have finally finished the game. Again. And then I'll start it over...this time I'll actually maintain good Karma (How do I resist blowing up Megaton though? I mean c'mon, I'm only human!).

Back to tattoos though. I have 7 now: my back, the back of my neck, my chest, both forearms and both hands. They all share the theme of portraying my Irish heritage, for 2 reasons. First, well, I love my Irish heritage (duh). Second, because to me, if you get a tattoo it should have a meaning behind it, and if you get many tattoos, they should all have a way of relating to each other in some fashion. I don't particularly like the idea of getting one just because it looks cool (not saying that's wrong to do, just to me it's not a good enough reason to get something permanent). Does this mean I'm never going to get a non-Irish tattoo? No, not really. I have a few ideas for tattoos that, well, just look cool. But they too also represent things I like.



and now, I've run out of ideas to talk about for the moment.

Till next time, maybe a comic?

Let's See Whats Going On Here...

Ahhh, spring is in the air. My sinuses are inflamed and my throat is scratchy. Allergy season, we meet again.

My weekend was a surprise: while I didn't get to go to my campus' big event, Fountain Day (really is my luck to have lost my SUNY card the night before bringing a friend to the bus station), I did at least get to go to our neighboring schools thing, no idea what it was called but it was a big free concert. Got to play a lot of Frisbee with an old friend who was visiting a friend of hers who attends St Rose, and then spent the remainder of the weekend with the girlfriend. All in all, pretty good weekend.

Right before starting this blog, I got the tattoo I've been waiting to get for 2 years. Didn't think I'd be able to get it till much later in life but my guy, Drew ( his website is http://www.drewstattoo.com/ , check his stuff out, he's definitely an amazing artisit), and a photo of it's up top. Please, overlook the fact I look like a zombie in it.


So, as I said in my first post, I'm trying to put together a web comic. I've decided to take a different approach for now: instead of working solely on the serious series, I'm going to branch out into something more along the lines of Cyanide & Happiness, something that doesn't necessarily require the artistic skills which I lack and instead look back to the doodles I used to do in high school. These will be pretty rough starting out, but once I move up from just MS Paint and into something a little more advanced I think they'll get a better look. As of now, it's just me myself doing these, but I'm trying to recruit a few of my old friends to get in on this.

also, I need to figure out how to get the images to show up clearer on here....

anyways, I'm calling it on this post, more to come.

It Begins....

Ok, so I guess I'll do the same thing everyone does when they start a blog:

I'm twenty right now, going to SUNY Albany as an English major with a Communications Minor (or at least i'm trying for it, advisors have proven not to be too helpful with this). My goals with this is to eventually get into either publishing or into a technical writing position, and then move on to publish my own works (starving author as apposed to starving artist...riiiight...). All in all, the point of me getting this blog is to do about 3 things: allow me to vent when i'm frustrated (this will probably occupy 1/3 of this blog), possibly post on the projects i'm working on (and to seek help for them, STILL LOOKING FOR ARTISTS FOR A WEB COMIC!), and to just generally for fun. As You can see, or will see hopefully, I have agreed to allow ads on my blog with the ADSense widget, I'd appreciate it if you were to click the ads that appear (I'm a college student with little job opportunity during the semester =[ ). As far as I understand, I get a minor commission for each time a person clicks on these ads, so if you do it for me that's cool, but I won't beg anyone to do it. It's an experiment.


This post I know is a bit bland, I'll learn how to make it more aesthetic later on.

A little more general info:

My signature here is also my X-Box Live gamertag, I think it is semi-clever when compared to most those you see in the Lobbies, as well as just sounding cool.


I'm an avid gamer (not so much during the week with classes but yeah), currently hooked on Modern Warfare 2-awesome game but you probably already know/have heard, trying to get back into Border Lands, and always find myself coming back to Fallout 3.

I'm a huge fan of web comics, huge fan of Ctrl+Alt+Del, Cyanide & Happiness, Least I Could Do and Looking For Group, which I read daily. I'm trying to get a web comic of my own started, but as of now it's a pipe dream.

I love writing, reading, Frisbee, tattoos, music and my friends. Been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over a year now, can easily say I love her more than anything else.


Oh, I'll try to respond to any and all comments. Feel free to argue with me or anything like that. Most cases I'll have an honest debate, sometimes I'll just flat out fight you. Don't take offense to anything I say, this is my blog and not yours. I afford you the freedom to disagree and argue, afford me the same freedom.

I suppose that's it for now.

More to come.